Defining BDSM
The term BDSM encompasses three distinct subcategories of behavior within its four letter cyclical acronym; BD (Bondage and Discipline), D/s (Dominance and submission), and SM (Sadomasochism or Sadism and Masochism). BDSM relationships may include any or all three categories and range from short term casual “play” encounters to fulltime “24/7” roles. BDSM behaviors are so diverse in content and underlying meaning that a concise, all-encompassing definition is difficult to devise.
Weinberg, Williams and Moser (1984), using the term SM, found five features that exist in most BDSM interactions. These features include:
1. Dominance and submission – the appearance of rule and obedience of one partner over the other.
2. Consensuality – a voluntary agreement to enter into SM “play” (interaction) and to honor certain “limits” (ground rules of how involved and in which direction the play can proceed).
3. Sexual content – the presumption that the activities have a sexual or erotic meaning for at least one participant.
4. Mutual definition – the assumption of a shared understanding by the participants that their activities are SM or a similar concept.
5. Role playing – the participants assume roles either for the interaction or for the relationship that they recognize may not be based in reality. (Weinberg, Williams, & Moser, 1984).
It is important to note that BDSM based relationships exist on a wide continuum of behaviors, genders, lifestyles and timelines. While these five elements may describe a large part of BDSM activities, they are not all encompassing.
A relationship that participants do not define as BDSM may include many of these features while another relationship may not. Some people enjoy a lifestyle that has an ongoing undertone of BDSM in everyday interactions while other people isolate their BDSM behavior to occasional sexual encounters (Kleinplatz & Moser, 2006).
September 28th, 2009 at 6:16 pm
I’m usually the more dominant person in my relationship outside of the bedroom, but in their, she’s the dominant and I’m Mr. Submissive. So it doesn’t really extend to the rest of my life.